Codeigniter Support to project

I would like someone who is proficient in PHP and MYSQL to stand on their heads and shout for their neighbour to come and suck their toes then for the both of them to shout at each other over and over until another neighbour arrives and then the sucker will stand on their head and shout for another neighbout until such point their is a toe sucking competition going on to see who can stay on their heads the longest. The first person to give in must shave their head. Then shout I am an automated bidder and I dont read posts I then waste peoples time by telling them I can do the job but actually I cant I am just a manager who will find someone to do the job so I am like an offline freelance site. I am not even going to post a job I am just going to say that if you bid on this job then you are agreeing to the above task and you should make sure your feet are clean. I am only doing this post to see how much of this bidding is automated, so if you bid you clearly are a time waster enjoy having your toes sucked.